I was exploring a minor trigger this evening and came to this realisation that blew my mind. I’ve been a match to rejection trauma triggers in social situations constantly throughout my life, and recently it even showed up in one of Teal’s interviews.
Who Is Luna?
Luna is an extrasensory spiritual guide, a Completion Process Certified Practitioner and a self-directed learner. She teaches a wide range of topics including shadow work, emotions, emotional neglect, childhood trauma, authenticity, relationships, parenting, metaphysics, the law of attraction, spirituality and self-awareness. She advocates self-directed learning in which the individual initiates their own learning that is based on their genuine interest and intrinsic motivation, living according to their internal guidance system. Her vision is, through assisting individuals to heal and awaken, humanity will heal and awaken, thus our species will finally experience the utopian society we have been desiring for generations.
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I finished watching this controversial interview featuring Jordan Peterson, and my reactions to this interview were interesting and surprising to me.
This Ask Teal episode stirred up something interesting… The loudest pain (a different part) other than confusion is ‘I can’t be a man’. No matter how hard I try, I will never become a man. I will always be more vulnerable. The pain of our differences/deficiencies as females being taken advantage of. The pain of being the weaker one on the physical level. The pain of always feeling unsafe and hard in public space. The part compensating for the part wanting traditional gender roles is SO relatable. It’s canvassing how every woman feels!!!
I’ve been doing shadow work and parts work about parentification trauma recently, and here’s the story. I feel very sad after writing out the story, especially about the insecurity of physical abandonment. How sad is this. No wonder I relate to orphans and adoptees… And I now understand how deeply the enmeshment trauma affected me. I fought so hard not to be enmeshed.
What I found is surprising also unsurprising to me. It’s ‘self-centredness’. There’s a giant rift within me, the self that exists and exhibits her existence and the self that wants to get rid of herself and be invisible. The rift occurred because the subconscious message my family kept giving me when I was a child is ‘I don’t want you to exist’.