I am done struggling with lack of motivation and vitality.

All coping mechanisms, at their core, are trying to avoid something painful. When I was little, I coped with life by absorbing massive amount of information (which gives me a lot of advantages), and it is still the main way I cope today. What was/am I avoiding? I was/am avoiding the feeling of isolation. The stark absence of people/connections in my life. This particular coping mechanism is receptive and thus directly opposing what I’m wanting to do right now. It keeps me from productivity and creativity, the forward movement of energy.

The intention of writing, which is related to work and school, triggers the neuropathway of avoiding, and the momentum is then watered down right away. I observed how this strategy goes. It goes like this: 1. Encounter stress (work related writing). 2. Start thinking and planning. 3. Result in not writing. The other block I have with writing is perfectionism. I think and plan too much because I want to be excellent. High expectation of performance has many merits, but in this case it’s killing what it is supposed to help.

People who succeed in life succeed is often because the way they cope with life is doing something they love, something they are passionate about, something they are good at and soothing to them, or something society considers to be productive and good. But if the coping element is present in the action, it has the potential to become painful and restricting, even though it has benefited you greatly. And I am done with that today.

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