Shadow work for marketing: rejection trauma (not being received, excitement being shut down/disapproved of, being perceived as intrusive or too much). This is such a blind spot for me because my personality structure was COMPLETELY formed around this.
Yeah, before we do any shadow work/integration/trauma resolution to uncover our authenticity, our personalities are completely the byproduct/coping mechanism of our childhood trauma without exception because human society so far has never been structured in a way that allows people to raise children without experiencing trauma, and we’ve never learnt how to interact with emotions and trauma healthily, so most of us living on the planet today are experiencing reflection of childhood wounds (like failed romantic relationships) over and over again until we find a way to heal/integrate them into our lives.
Integration is including the traumatic experiences to weave them into our life stories and identities. It means reversing the dissociation and fragmentation process. It means re-experiencing trauma with our conscious free will, otherwise it’s retraumatisation. The difference between re-experiencing and retraumatisation is CONSCIOUS CHOICE.
I was exploring a minor trigger this evening and came to this realisation that blew my mind. I’ve been a match to rejection trauma triggers in social situations constantly throughout my life, and recently it even showed up in one of Teal’s interviews.
With the awareness of how deeply my rejection trauma is affecting me, it’s clear that I suffer way more from rejection than abandonment because I was never really part of my family or any other social groups or relationships growing up. Rejection is the baseline vibration of my childhood. There was almost none of ownership or attachment to me on the emotional level.
Rejection trauma can take on very subtle forms, and most of the time unintentional. In my case, I was born very different from the maternal family that raised me. We don’t relate to each other at all. It felt like the only similarity we have is genetics. I was born a very intelligent child. I learnt to read myself, and I love reading. I’m a knowledge addict. I love history and sociology and psychology. I love exploring languages and cultures. None of other family members share these with me. My grandmother couldn’t even communicate with me smoothly because of language barrier and illiteracy.
So much of my rejection trauma stems from this absolute torture of having no way to bond with my grandmother. She wasn’t able to receive anything I wanted to share with her. She was my primary caregiver, and she was a very quiet person which made everything worse. My mother wasn’t receptive to my passions either since she hates history and not interested in what fascinates me. Being raised by grandparents will leave heavier imprint because their consciousness is even less expanded than our parent’s.
Understanding ancestral trauma and generational patterns will explain many mysteries of our lives. Although my father wasn’t physically and emotionally part of my upbringing, he and I had very similar childhoods, and coming in to be his daughter means I chose to inherit all of his talents also his unresolved trauma. His father was an intellectual, and his mother was illiterate. His rejection trauma was way worse than mine, so he can’t really receive/listen to other people because his internal parts are so desperate to be received. He wants to be understood so bad, to the point it’s very difficult to have a conversation with him.
If we want to receive our children and not cause rejection trauma, we need to learn to perceive as a child. That means practising openness, non-judgement, and curiosity. That means developing intimacy with our children. Understand their thoughts, emotions, passions, their perspectives. Be interested in them. Recognise and create similarities between you and them. We can only love them the way they need it if we receive them first. All of this starts with reconnecting with our inner children. Once we reown our inner children, relating to our children won’t be a difficult task anymore. Your children provide many clues to your reconnection with your child selves. Be brave enough to find them.