人會潛意識複製兒時成年人如何滿足回應自己需求的方式。人會潛意識地以相同的方式滿足回應(或不滿足回應)身邊人的需求,而這些方式常常是令人痛苦與感覺有壓力的,因為小時候我們的需求沒有被安全地回應,常常是沒有被回應或被不耐煩地對待。 改變對待回應他人需求的方式,給予他人自己童年缺失的經驗,就是在重新對待、好好照顧自己內在小孩的過程。 他人,尤其是嬰幼兒與孩童,會清楚映照我們的內在小孩,如果自己的童年非常不愉快,與他們互動會啟動(或說刺激)大量童年創傷。觀察自己面對孩子的態度與心情,看看自己是否會不安、不耐煩、自動遞補需求(過度補償)。我們對待他人的方式就是對待自己的方式,而我們對待自己的方式由自己兒時如何被對待形塑而成。

All coping mechanisms, at their core, are trying to avoid something painful. When I was little, I coped with life by absorbing massive amount of information (which gives me a lot of advantages), and it is still the main way I cope today. What was/am I avoiding? I was/am avoiding the feeling of isolation. The stark absence of people/connections in my life. This particular coping mechanism is receptive and thus directly opposing what I’m wanting to do right now. It keeps me from productivity and creativity, the forward movement of energy.