The way we grew up, how we have been parenting children for so many generations as a species, is the root cause of why we have unconsciously created a society no one wants to live in and is detrimental to other species on Earth and our natural environment. We don’t commit to proactive change if we believe it’s painful and impossible, especially when immediate ramifications are perceived like losing our incomes or losing people we are emotionally attached to or losing belonging. Even if we consciously want to commit to proactive change, we often fail to do so because we haven’t unhooked ourselves from these often subconscious negative core beliefs inhibiting us.
It is painful to be untrustworthy. Betraying others is actually a reflection of one’s own self betrayal because people in our lives are mirrors of our internal fragments. Being untrustworthy is to be separate from ourselves and others, and separation is the root of suffering. Failed relationships with others are mirroring our failed relationships with ourselves. We need to live with ourselves for the totality of our life on earth. It needs to be a conscious choice for us to be truly committed to trust, to self awareness, to integration and responsibility. Trust, and love, needs to be a choice we make with our free will. In trust and love, we are free.
Our dream careers trigger this entire conditioning the most. If we look at what our goals and commitments actually require us, we usually find that they are not as difficult/impossible as we previously think. What makes us think that way, is trauma. We can always break huge projects into tiny, little, easy-to-achieve steps. We can make following through a relaxing and allowing practice. Creating the healing opposite experience of ease relative to our work or any commitment we aspire to achieve.
I was exploring a minor trigger this evening and came to this realisation that blew my mind. I've been a match to rejection trauma triggers in social situations constantly throughout my life, and recently it even showed up in one of Teal’s interviews.
I finished watching this controversial interview featuring Jordan Peterson, and my reactions to this interview were interesting and surprising to me.
This Ask Teal episode stirred up something interesting... The loudest pain (a different part) other than confusion is ‘I can’t be a man’. No matter how hard I try, I will never become a man. I will always be more vulnerable. The pain of our differences/deficiencies as females being taken advantage of. The pain of being the weaker one on the physical level. The pain of always feeling unsafe and hard in public space. The part compensating for the part wanting traditional gender roles is SO relatable. It’s canvassing how every woman feels!!!
What I found is surprising also unsurprising to me. It’s ‘self-centredness’. There’s a giant rift within me, the self that exists and exhibits her existence and the self that wants to get rid of herself and be invisible. The rift occurred because the subconscious message my family kept giving me when I was a child is ‘I don’t want you to exist’.