All coping mechanisms, at their core, are trying to avoid something painful. When I was little, I coped with life by absorbing massive amount of information (which gives me a lot of advantages), and it is still the main way I cope today. What was/am I avoiding? I was/am avoiding the feeling of isolation. The stark absence of people/connections in my life. This particular coping mechanism is receptive and thus directly opposing what I’m wanting to do right now. It keeps me from productivity and creativity, the forward movement of energy.